Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Mommy's First Meltdown

My first meltdown happened on Saturday, when she was 5 days old.

The night before had been very rough.  Ray had to go into to work on Saturday, so I volunteered to take her for the night.  She started off not too bad, pretty much what you expect, but then she went crazy.

She was inconsolable.  She was wailing and shaking and red and freaking out.  I tried everything I knew to do (which isn't much).  But nothing could calm her down.  This lasted for 4.5 hours straight.  I felt so bad bad for her and also was so upset with myself that I couldn't help her.

Well, the next morning I was talking to my mom about it and we figured it out . . . .she was hungry.  My milk hadn't come in yet, so she wasn't getting much.  And I couldn't keep feeding her, since I was cracked and bleeding.  Earlier that morning I tried to feed her again and when I looked down, the ni.pple guard was full of blood.  I switch side and that side started bleeding too. 

I was sooo frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed.

Then when we figured out she was hungry, I felt so terrible.  I felt like I was starving my baby.  No wonder she was so upset. 

So at that point I had to feed her formula.  I was nervous about putting her on the bottle and formula, but there was nothing else I could do.  I had tried pumping the night before and only got 1 ounce, so that wouldn't help and I just wanted her to be fed and happy.

Throughout this process I was sobbing.  And I couldn't stop it.  Right when I would calm down, it would start up again. 

I used to read posts like this and think, come on, this isn't your fault, get over it.  But now I get it.  You want things for your baby and whether you mean to or not, if you cause them pain, it feels awful.

Since this ordeal, I have been pumping and letting myself heal up.  So we are doing a 40/60 split of milk and formula.  On Tuesday I tried nursing again and she went for it, but didn't latch right.  So we are going to meet with the lactation consultant on Friday to get that situated.  Otherwise, everything is a bottle feeding right now.  Which I am ok with, since she is full, gaining weight, and happy.

40 Weeks/ 1 Week Old

How Far Along? Yesterday would have been my due date, but it was Avery's 1 week birthday!

Maternity Clothes? Heck yes, my tummy is sore and still sticking out.

Weight Gain? As of my due date/one week after giving birth I am 1 pound over my pre pregnancy weight.  This is when I am thankful for all the vomiting.  This was a wake up call for me, I need to be more conscious of eating.  I have been so busy with her, that I forget to eat (I have never had that happen).

Stretch Marks? Yes, but they aren't that bad and she is worth every one.

Sleep? Honestly, I have been pretty lucky on this front, between her being a great baby (most nights) and Ray I have been getting a total of about 5 hours a night and a two hour nap during the day.  Oddly I have been sleeping better with a newborn than as a pregnant person!!

Best Moment of the Week?  Meeting my baby.

Weirdest Comment:  Nothing.  I guess it was weird that my doctor reported the wrong date to my insurance company for delivery.  That is a little concerning.

Movement? She is a wiggler, her neck is so strong, even the doctor was surprised and made a comment about it.  It does sometimes make it hard to burp her.

What I miss? I had a glass of sangria and I am just not feeling the alcohol right now.  I thought about all the types of fruity girly drinks I missed while pregnant, but have no desire to drink any of them now.

Symptoms: It is absolutely amazing the changes your body makes in just one week.  All of my skin issues have disappeared completely.  My hips and hand soreness is also gone.  I don't have to pee constantly and I sleep well now.  As for my new recovery symptoms, I have to say they are worse than I thought they would be.  Now that might be due to my muscles being so weak after 9 weeks of bed rest, but I would rather go through labor again than the recovery!  The only other thing I should mention is how emotional I am.  I will cry twice a day.  It's funny, I didn't think I would have this issue, since I wasn't all that emotional when pregnant, but wow it hit me!!!

What I'm looking forward to? I am looking forward to spending time with Avery and doing all the firsts together!!!  I will do another post about all of the firsts so far!

Weekly Wisdom:  Be prepared for your recovery.  Even an easy vaginal birth takes a lot out of you.  And rely on your husband as much as you can for the first few days.

Milestones: Tons, I will put in another post!

Emotions: Super emotional.  There are so many things you have to do when you have a baby (insurance, Dr. Appt, thank you notes, etc) I really struggle with taking the time to just hang with her and forget about the other crap that can wait.

 Little miss at 1 week!  How crazy that her stuffed animal is bigger than her!!
 I just wanted to document my stomach at week 1. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

Avery's Birth Story

At our last OB visit I got to schedule an induction and we were set to be induced on Wednesday September 21st.  I was so happy and relieved to finally have a date and a plan!  All weekend people were asking me if I hoped that I would go into labor and I just kept thinking, no I am happy with our plan, let's stick to it.

Avery had other ideas.  On Monday September 19th at 3:15 my water broke.  It was a gush, but not like the movies.  I was folding towels, how random.  So I called Ray and left him a voicemail.  I called the doctor and they told me to go to the hospital.  I called Ray again and he answered.  Every time I called him for the last two weeks, he would answer by saying "Did your water break", but oddly this time he didn't.  So I told him to ask me his favorite question, just so I could say yes!

He left as soon as he could, but got stopped in traffic.  So he called Jean and asked her to bring me to the hospital.  As this was happening, I got in the shower and packed up the last two or three things I needed.  I was so worried that my water didn't break, but that was just paranoia.

My Dad and Jean came and picked me up and we met Ray at the hospital.  We checked in to L&D and our favorite nurse (yes we knew a decent amount of the nurses all ready) was the one to check me. 

As of 6:00 my water had broken, I was 2 cm, 80% effaced and having contractions.  Mind you, I couldn't even feel the contractions, they were just like the ones I had been having since I was 30 weeks.  So we watched the pre-game report for Monday night football and just hung out.

At 7:00 they moved me in the delivery room and since her butt was still so high in my abdomen, they did a quick ultrasound to ensure that she really was head down.  And she was.  At that point she was at a -2 station.

At 7:30 they started the pitocin because I wasn't feeling any of the contractions.

At 8 they upped the pitocin because I was still not having any pain.

At 9:00 I started to barely feel the contractions.

At 9:30 the doctor came in to check me and to place an internal contraction monitor.  This is meant to actually measure how effective the contractions are.  If they are registering at 60 or above, then they are good effective contractions.  When she went to place the monitor, she found a second bag of waters and ruptured it.  She placed the monitor and told me I was still the same as before.  At this point the only real discomfort I had had was the yucky feeling of sitting in the amniotic fluid, no one tells you how much comes out and how gross it feels.  I am pretty sure that the reason my body hadn't started having effective contractions was due to the second bag of waters.  Because once she broke that, things started moving quickly and painfully.

Almost immediately, I began really feeling the contractions.  These were painful and I had to breathe through them.  I even made a few funny noises, without meaning to.  At this point my contractions were lasting 40 seconds and were coming every 2 minutes.  They were registering about 80 consistently.  Some were worse, some not as bad, but nothing was below 60.  The contractions were painful, but it's funny how the second they were over I felt fine.

At 10:00 the nurse came in and asked if I wanted my epidural.  I felt stupid saying yes, since I was only at 2cm, but she said that my contractions were very strong and I would move quickly.  So I went for it.  The doctor was there within about 15 minutes and he went to work.  The epidural was not painful at all.  He finished it at about 10:30.  And good thing I got it when I did, since he got 4 phone calls when he was in with me.  I would have had to wait a long time for him if I had asked any later!!!

At 10:45 the nurse checked me and I was at 3cm, 100% effaced, 0 station and I had my bloody show. 

At 11:00 I was feeling good from the epidural!  Some pressure, but no pain!

At 11:45 I was still at 3cm.  The shift changed and my nurse who was leaving predicted at the next check I would be fully dilated based on how strong my contractions were.  Over the next hour the nurse turned down my pitocin twice and then eventually shut it off, because my contractions were getting too strong.

At midnight Ray and I went to sleep (how great, I slept through part of labor, thank God for epidurals). 

At 12:45 my nurse came in to see how I was doing and I told her I had pressure in my butt (so weird), so she checked me and I was 9cm!  She couldn't believe that in 1 hour I went from 3cm to 9cm.

I laid there thinking for the next hour, honestly I don't even remember what about. 

At 1:45 my nurse came and checked me and I was 10cm and she asked me to do a practice push and when I did she said she could see the baby's hair.  So it was time to go!!!

I woke Ray up and told him that I was ready to push and his response was, "So, should I get up?".

After that I began pushing at about 2:00.  The pushing wasn't bad, as long as she only made me do it for 3-10 second intervals.  The times she made me do the fourth were pretty tiring.  I felt so helpless, because I couldn't feel anything, I didn't think I was pushing all that well.  I felt like my head was going to explode from trying to push but not feeling anything.  About twenty minutes in I got sick a few times.  I figure barf was the theme of this pregnancy, why not end it that way? 

At 2:40 the nurse went and got the doctor and we started pushing again.  Ray was rubbing my back or stroking my hair, since I was holding my legs, but he did great.  I never got mad or annoyed with him (again the movies are very dramatic).  At 2:45 I felt a pop and there she was! 

They laid her on my chest and I immediately starting crying, it was involuntary.  Ray cried a little too.  She was so cute and waving her arms and sticking her tongue out.  She was wailing!  After about 10 minutes she went straight to the bo.ob, so we knew then she was an eater!!!

She weighted 7 pounds 6.2 ounces and was 19.5 inches long.  Her APGAR scores were 8 and then 9.  Her hair was dark brown and eyes dark blue.  She had great coloring and a cone head!

This labor had been so great.  Everything was how I wanted it, calm and no drama.  The lights were dim and for the most part, it was just the nurse and Ray.  In between pushing we talked about movies, football, and Avery's nursery.  After it was over, Ray and I just stared and played with Avery while the doctor took care of other business.  I had a second degree tear, but otherwise everything went well.

Dad and Jean got there shortly after and got to see Avery. 

We then went down to the room I would be staying in for the rest of the time.  Avery went to the nursery, where she wailed the whole time.  She was cold and hungry.  The nurses were so great and after a million checks and feeding the baby we finally went to sleep at about 6:00 (after sending Avery tot he nursery).

Here are some pictures of her first hours!!!

 Relaxing and checking my fantasy football scores.
 Ray eating dinner (I was so hungry).
 The room.
 Monday Night Football
 She's here!!!
 So perfect!
 Getting weighted.
 Calming down.
 More tests.
 Baby footprints.
 So cute!
 Daddy love!
 First family photo.
 She is so little.
Happy Daddy!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Heading home

Sorry I haven't posted yet.  Both Avery and I are doing great!  I will post the birth story soon.  For now, here is a pic of my cutie!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Labor has started!!!

My water broke at 3 today and went in to the hospital at around 5.

I was still 2 cm and 80% effaced, but her head was way down.

As of 7:30 I have been on Pitocin and I am starting to feel some pressure and cramping with my contractions.

Updates to come!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

What I loved about being pregnant

As I ge closer to my induction date (4 days away) I am thinking about what will probably be my only pregnancy. So while I am at the end and ready to be done so I can meet my little girl, there are some things I want to remember fondly about these past 9 months.

These are the things I have loved about being pregnant. . .
Watching my body change, especially seeing my belly grow
I feel fortunate for how I carried and my belly, it was a perfect big basketball
I loved rubbing my belly
I loved the feeling of this huge secret for the frst few months
I loved being able to tell my parents, who also wanted this baby so much
I loved feeling the movement, little flutters at first and now full fledged rolls and kicks
I love feeling that bond with my baby, I feel like I know her and no one else does
I love the way my husband is so protective and caring (he always has been, but this is a whole new level)
I love how each night the new routine is for Ray to try to feel her move while we are watching tv
I love the comfy clothes

Overall this pregnancy has been tough with a few complications, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it and know what a huge blessing it is.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Looking back

So there have been quite a few bloggers out there looking back to one year ago.  I thought I would go back and see what I was going through.

When I looked, I was reminded how lucky/blessed/fortunate I am.  My first blog post was in October, but it talked about what we had been doing recently.

Our first appointment with my ob regaurding IF was on 9.29.10.  Almost one year later exactly is my due date.  Now we didn't meet wth her until after 13 months of trying, but still.  What a diference a year makes.

I am thinking of all of the wonderful women out there who don't have their deepest desire yet.  I hope that this time next year (or sooner) you can look back and feel as blessed as I do now.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Last OB Appointment

This was my last OB appointment as we are scheduled for an induction on the 21st.  I will be 39 weeks and 1 day.  I am sooooo glad we made it to that (as long as she doesn't come before then).  There was such a long time that I was grateful for each day that we made it.  And now we need an induction, so ironic!

I didn't ask my bp, but she said it was good.
There was no protein or sugar in my urine, so also good news.
Avery's heartrate was in the 150's.
My belly measured 37 weeks, which is weird, because I have never been behind in the growth measurements, usually ahead?
The doctor thinks that Avery is 7.5 pounds and that she will be 8 by the time I deliver!!!  Yay big healthy chubby baby!

We were going to induce on the 20th (exactly 39 weeks), but I changed my mind when they showed me the schedule of which doctor was on call that day. 

To give a little background, I go to a practice with 14 doctors.  They rotate for OB so there is always someone available for you.  You meet all of them during your pregnancy.  Anyways, of them all, there is only 1 I did not like.  She was not all that nice, and she made me feel stupid when I asked a few questions.  Mind you, I don't ask a whole lot of questions, but she was our doctor on the day of our 20 week scan.  All she said was . . . everything looks good.  Literally that was it.  Like she wanted me to accept that and no need to go into any detail or level of reassurance.  So basically she is the only one who would have made me wait another day . . . . and there she was the on call doctor on the 20th.  And my second favorite doctor was on call for the 21st.  So if Avery ever asks, that is how she got her birthday!

It was weird, but exciting to know that was the last appointment I will have before meeting my baby. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

38 Weeks

How Far Along? 38 Weeks

Maternity Clothes? That is all I am wearing.  I can't even fit into my t-shirts anymore.  I have to wear Ray's!

Weight Gain? I gained 2 pounds.  I have been giving in to all cravings this week, so I expected it, and all of my cravings have been for ice cream.  So we are at a total of 19 pounds gained.

Stretch Marks? Oh yes, and they are getting bigger.  I don't think there are new ones, just growing.

Sleep? Still going pretty well, who would have thought it has gotten better?  Same thing as last week . . . . My only two big issues are that I think I am getting carpal tunnel/arthritis in my hands.  They are so achy and I can't bend them or make a tight fist for at least a few hours after I wake up.  The other thing is that sometimes I wake up to go to the bathroom, and then can't go back to sleep, but that's just annoying, not painful!!!

Best Moment of the Week?  Losing my mucus plug . . . I know it was gross, but it just means 1 step closer.

Weirdest Comment:  Nothing.  I don't get out enough to hear anything weird!

Movement? She has been kicking me and it is so neat, you can actually see her heel.  I LOVE it.  It is the only time that I could actually tell which body part was which.  Also, weird side note, I have noticed that she moves a lot when I get in the shower.  I think she loves hot showers as much as I do.

Gender? Girl, Avery!

What I miss? Nothing really, I am feeling pretty good!  I just want to meet her.

Symptoms: Constant peeing and soreness.  I am also feeling lots of pressure now that she has dropped.  The carpal tunnel/arthritis I talked about above.  And I have been having lots of contractions, but nothing painful so no need to even time them.   Other than that, doing well!

What I'm looking forward to? Meeting her.  I am ready for pregnancy and bed rest to be over.

Weekly Wisdom:  No wisdom to offer!

Milestones: Two weeks or less.  And probably less, since we are going to schedule an induction sometime in my 39th week.  I am hoping for the 20th and exactly 39 weeks.  So actually 7 days or less if I get my induction.

Emotions: I am ready to be done.  I think most of the reason for feeling this is that I have been on bed rest for over 7 weeks now.  It is boring and lonely.  I am so glad we have been able to do it, so that she can stay in there and grow, but now I am getting really antsy.


My stomach has popped out a little more.

And I am going to include pictures of the bare belly (not because anyone wants to see my crazy white stomach, but just for my documenting purposes)!!!!  This may be my last weekly post!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

And I lost my mucus plug

I am interested to see what this does.  Some people go into labor right away and some take weeks??  What was your experience?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Nursery

 Our nursery is a very small room, so we had to get a little creative with the placement of furniture, but here it is!!

This is the crib, the glider, and the tree decal!!!  Look closely and you can see that the birds and the nest are the accent color of key lime green.

The paint color is Laura Ashley's lilac silk.

This is our dresser and the tree from my work shower!
 Here is our changing table and the canvas squares with fabric that Ray and I made.
 Here is our closet, I love it, because it is soo organized.  Also, note all of the diapers.  Thanks to Ray's friends for coming to his diaper shower (beer and wings at BW's) and bringing all of these!!!
 I love this rug, I just think it brings everything together.  Look closely and you will see that it is textured in the shape of leaves.  And our puppy just had to be in the picture.  Isn't she cute???
 Here is our tub stuff.  We have the mat, the organizer, the toys and our Sink Snuggler.  It's great, it hangs out to dry, and Velcros into a tub!
 And just because I love our stroller, I am putting this pic in.  We have the E.ddie Sinclair travel system!  Sobe loves it too!

I am so happy we are done!!!!  This nursery is exactly what I had in my mind, I had this in my head before I was even pregnant.  Thanks goodness this is a girl, because I had no idea what I would have done for a boy!!!

37 Week Appointment

Quick Summary

My blood pressure has gone down!!!  110/60.
I am measuring right on track.
Avery's heart rate is 152.

There was no protein in my urine!

I am 2cm dilated.  70% effaced (this is a little less than last week, but this is very subjective by Doctor).
The doctor said she is very low.  And that apparently she is putting lots of pressure on my bag of waters, as it is "bulging out of my uterus".  She said that if she wanted to, she could break my water at that moment.

I asked about BP which is soo much better now.  I also asked about how to differentiate contractions, since I will get them every 3 min for two plus hours and I do not want to go to the hospital for no reason.  She said the main way to tell is that I will have enough pain that I will have to stop what I am doing.

Lastly, I asked about induction.  She said that since my uterus is all ready a little dilated and very effaced they would induce, but not until 39 weeks.  So when Ray gets home, we will pick one or two times and get set up for that at the next appointment.

I would love it if my water breaks sometime between now and 39 weeks and we can approach this naturally, but I will be happy to go in and get induced too!!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

37 Weeks

How Far Along? 37 weeks, full term!!!!!

Maternity Clothes? I am so happy it has finally cooled down, I was getting tired of my summer maternity clothes, I felt like I was just wearing the same thing over and over and over.

Weight Gain? I lost 1 pound even though.I have been really hungry . . . .I thought maybe she's having a growth spurt, or maybe now that she isn't squishing my stomach I am now starving!!  So we are at a total of 17 pounds gained.

Stretch Marks? Oh yes, and they are getting bigger.  I don't think there are new ones, just growing.

Sleep? Still going pretty well, who would have thought it has gotten better?  My only two big issues are that I think I am getting carpal tunnel/arthritis in my hands.  They are so achy and I can't bend them or make a tight fist for at least a few hours after I wake up.  The other thing is that sometimes I wake up to go to the bathroom, and then can't go back to sleep, but that's just annoying, not painful!!!

Best Moment of the Week?  Returning the doubles of things from the registry and buying everything that was left on the registry that we need.  It feels so good to have everything (or at least have it on the way).  We are ready for this baby, minus having the car seat installed by a certified person.

Weirdest Comment:  Nothing weird, but there was a guy coming into our favorite Mexican restaurant as we were leaving.  And he said. . . . . after this food, you may be having that baby tonight! 

Movement? Yes she is moving a lot.  I have said this before, but I am so grateful she moves so much, it makes me so much less nervous (or you could also call it neurotic).

Gender? Girl, Avery!

What I miss? Nothing really, I am feeling pretty good!

Symptoms: Constant peeing and soreness.  I am also feeling lots of pressure now that she has dropped.  The carpal tunnel/arthritis I talked about above.  And I have been having lots of contractions, but nothing painful so no need to even time them.  Lastly, I have had some headaches off and on and felt weird.  So we have been checking my blood pressure either everyday or every other day.  Monday's was nearing "the bad place" . . . 136/86.  My doctor told me as long as it is under 140/90 I am ok.  I know that she is the doctor, but I think that seems pretty high considering mine is normally 90/60.

What I'm looking forward to? I am looking forward to my appointment tomorrow to see if these contractions have changed anything.  And I am looking forward to meeting Avery.  I am so grateful that we made it to full term and that I have gotten to experience pregnancy, but I am now ready for it to be over.

Weekly Wisdom:  If you can time your pregnancy, plan it around the summer.  60 degrees feels sooooooo much better than 90 degrees, especially when you are super pregnant!!

Milestones: Full term and the nursery is done.  I will do a separate post for that!

Emotions: I did have a breakdown this past week, I got really upset about my blood pressure.  I am not someone who goes to the doctor for everything, but when I am responsible for someone else, I become nervous stressed and crazy.  I have felt throughout this pregnancy that I have no idea what I am doing.  I get nervous that I could be hurting her by not going to the doctor, then I get nervous I am being dramatic.  It is wearing me out.  Does anyone else feel this way?


Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Hospital Bag

Here is a list of what we packed . . . . . . this may be too much, it may not be right, but this is what I have compiled from others.  I will let you know what I needed and what I didn't.

For Baby
3 Hats
Mittens (I am not sure what to call them, those things you use so they don't scratch themselves)
2 Newborn Onsies
2 Sleeper Sacks
2 Pairs of Socks
Grooming Kit
Boppy Pillow
1 Going Home Outfit
2 Receiving Blankets
Baby Book

For Me
Ponytail Holders
Phone Charger
Dum Dums (apparently these can be sucked on during labor)
Slippers (for walking around during L&D)
Flip Flops
Nursing Bra
2 T-Shirts
Tank Tops
Yoga Pants
Facial Wipes (to use during labor)
Nursing Pads
Lanolin Cream
I-Pod and Docking Station
Cash (for vending machines)

For Ray

Thursday, September 1, 2011

36 Week Appointment

Here are the basic stats

BP 118/75
Avery's HR 150's
Protein in Urine
Group B Strep Results Negative
Dilated 1 cm still
Effaced at 75%

So there was some good news and some iffy news.

They were happy about the weight so far, and that she is still a mover.  Also her heartrate is very consistent, so that is great!

I was worried about my blood pressure.  I had just told Ray before I went back that I was feeling weird.  I couldn't really explain it any other way . . .just didn't feel right.  So when they told me my BP, I knew that was what it was.

I am normally 90/60 and last week I went up to 100/70.  But they weren't worried about that.  This week it was high enough that she had me lay on my side for 10 minutes before checking it again and it was the same.

So she told me to make sure I pay attention to her movement, my headaches, if I get blurry vision and if I just feel weird again.

I am hoping that this was just a fluke thing and next week it will be back to normal, I absolutely don't want to be pre-eclamptic.

So that pretty much sums up the appointment.  One more week until full term and then I will breather a little easier!