Thursday, April 7, 2011

It's my birthday

Let me start this by saying, I am not a huge birthday person, never have been.  But infertility definitely added to that.  Last year was the worst birthday I have ever had.

We had been trying for a year with no success, and not just that, only one person knew we were trying, so I also had very little support.  My husband, who is awesome, wasn't even all that there for me.  I think he didn't know what to do or say.  He also thought I was worrying too easily and too quickly.

So last year I cried a lot, removed my birthday from Facebook (since that is how everyone relies on remembering birthdays), and basically boycotted my birthday entirely.

I really don't care about getting older, that's not my issue, I don't like having high expectations of a day and then it not being everything I had hoped for.  And that is compounded by IF.  Birthdays were just one more anniversary of not having what you want most.

This year I have a much more positive outlook (I still don't really care for birthdays), but I am not crying or brooding.  I am grateful.  I am grateful that I am having a baby.  I am grateful that I feel the support of this struggle with the people I have now shared it with (friends and family) and nmost importantly you all.

This blog has been a godsend for me.  I have four brothers and no sisters.  My mom was MIA (emotionally) for a few years after my parents divorced (7th grade through 11th).  So I am not great with women in general and especially not sharing my feelings.  So it has been sooooo nice to have people I can feel comfortable with who I can share my true thoughts and feelings and be ok with being vulnerable around them.

So I want to thank all of you and say that this has been the best present over the last year and thank you for being a part of it!!!!!

7 comments:

  1. Happy birthday!! I hope you have a great day!

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  2. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you have a great day!

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  3. What a wonderful post! Happy Birthday!!! And I'm so happy to have you in my life too!

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  4. Happy Birthday! And I'm so happy that this year your birthday wish has come true :)

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  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! And what a wonderful gift you have this year :-) :-)

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