Let me start this by saying, I am not a huge birthday person, never have been. But infertility definitely added to that. Last year was the worst birthday I have ever had.
We had been trying for a year with no success, and not just that, only one person knew we were trying, so I also had very little support. My husband, who is awesome, wasn't even all that there for me. I think he didn't know what to do or say. He also thought I was worrying too easily and too quickly.
So last year I cried a lot, removed my birthday from Facebook (since that is how everyone relies on remembering birthdays), and basically boycotted my birthday entirely.
I really don't care about getting older, that's not my issue, I don't like having high expectations of a day and then it not being everything I had hoped for. And that is compounded by IF. Birthdays were just one more anniversary of not having what you want most.
This year I have a much more positive outlook (I still don't really care for birthdays), but I am not crying or brooding. I am grateful. I am grateful that I am having a baby. I am grateful that I feel the support of this struggle with the people I have now shared it with (friends and family) and nmost importantly you all.
This blog has been a godsend for me. I have four brothers and no sisters. My mom was MIA (emotionally) for a few years after my parents divorced (7th grade through 11th). So I am not great with women in general and especially not sharing my feelings. So it has been sooooo nice to have people I can feel comfortable with who I can share my true thoughts and feelings and be ok with being vulnerable around them.
So I want to thank all of you and say that this has been the best present over the last year and thank you for being a part of it!!!!!