This morning when I was getting ready for some friends of ours to come over, I felt it. It felt like the same feeling when you start your period. I knew before I even made it to the bathroom to check . . . there was blood. A lot of it and it was bright red.
To be honest, I am surprised at how fast it hit me, usually it takes forever for things to sink in with me (ie my positive pregnancy test). Maybe I am just pessimistic, maybe it was a gut feeling, instinct, but right then and there I knew no matter what the doctor on call told me, it was over.
She said everything I figured she would . . . .just relax, if it gets worse go to the hospital, etc.
And maybe this is me being stupid, but I am waiting until I can go to my doctor tomorrow morning. I just can't think of this ending in a place I don't know. At least I feel comfortable with my doctor.
I have to say I am mourning this in a very odd way. Sometimes I fine. I think about how different the summer will be, I think of how it will be nice to sleep again, how I won't have morning sickness all day. How I need to change my blog, cancel my email parenting subscriptions.
Other times, I just can't stop crying. How am I going to break the news to my parents? How am I going to handle Christmas (I would have had a baby by then)? How can I make it through work without a random outburst of tears?
I don't know what to do. I guess just wait until it is over.
It is ironic how things work though. In my last post I said I wanted an ultrasound sooner. And I will be getting one tomorrow. I also talked about miscarriages and how difficult they must be. I wonder if I knew? I literally write that post less than 48 hours before I started to miscarry.
I will keep you all posted.