Saturday, November 27, 2010

Little Reminders

Overall I had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!  We had some great family time, relaxation, and friend time!

However, I still had those little reminders, no matter how hard I tried to avoid/ignore them.

First on Wednesday night we went out with friends, two couples.  One couple with a 1.5 year old and the other with a 6 month old.  They don't know about us "trying", so I smiled and kept my game face on, but this is a quick summary. . . .
1. Somehow one of the girls must have misheard something and said Oh my god, you're pregnant, congratulations and then everyone else chimed in.  I truly do not know where she got this from, but she heard it in her head.  So I spent the next 20 minutes explaining to people that no, I was not pregnant.
2. Another girl kept telling me how she wished she hadn't have waited so long to have a baby and what a joy her baby is.
Again, I am not mad or frustrated with them, they have NO idea that we are trying.  In fact, they think we want to wait a while longer (because up until 1.5 years ago, we did and have never told anyone anything different).  But it was still a little hard, just because I wanted to have a night of fun, rather than think about all that.

On Thanksgiving day, my brother's girlfriend brought it up.  She also has no idea, so no fault, but just something I didn't want to talk about.

Today, my best friend's daughter's birthday party.  This time no one said anything or made any any remarks to me, but it was a little hard, because when you think of having children you think of their birthdays and Christmas, and Disneyworld.  So it was just one more reminder.

I am not in a bad place, but I guess just a little worn down.  And it's one more reminder of why I have recently (about a year) become a hermit.

And maybe you are wondering why I have not told so many people.  I don't like having to deal with the types of above mentioned comments, but I would rather put my brave face on and laugh through it than have people handle me with kiddie gloves or pity me or make decisions about what I can and can't handle.  Also, I feel like if they make these comments and don't know, then I won't be mad at them.  BUT if they do know and act like an asshole or be ignorant, then I know my feelings will be hurt and I will be mad at them.

I hope no one has any horror stories from this holiday weekend!


  1. Yuck. I am working on a list of "holiday comebacks" that I will publish mid-December so you can put them in your pocket and choose a response to best fit the situation!

  2. You are so strong and I agree people don't say it to be rude they just don't know know. It's wierd because I never got asked about being pregnant before we were trying or maybe I just wasn't as sensitive. I feel like every time I go out with anyone and don't order a glass of wine they think I might be pregnant. I make sure to ask for a taste of dh beer just so they can stop speculating. In the last couple of weeks I have had numerous people ask if I am pregnant. One who actually put her hands on my tummy and said oh congrats that's great you are pregnant. Come on people, think about it this barren woman is pregant I will be screaming it from the roof tops. How fat can I be. I know I have gained a couple of pounds but I am still under 140 pounds and 5'6, so they have no right to ask. Even my nephew asked me why I didn't want him to have any cousins! I know he didn't realize because he is only 6 but it still hurt my feelings!
    Anyways, the one sure thing about an infertile woman is that we are resilient. We may get knocked down but we get back up again.
    You time is coming soon and when you have your baby you will never ask any married woman something so insensitive.

  3. AP, I will absolutely be on the lookout for those comebacks!!!
    KC, that is awful! I can't beleive that people are so bold as to literally congratulate you.

  4. Hi, I just started reading and I think we are in pretty similar situations.
    DH and I have been trying for a year and a half (June 2009) and have been on fertility meds for three months. Just had our first IUI Friday. We also got married one year exactly before you! (5/12/06).

    I completely agree with why you don't want to tell people. Not everyone in my life knows, but many more than I want. It's been hard to have people walk on egg shells around me or basically cut me out once they get pregnant so as to not hurt my feelings. It sucks.
    I'll be following. Let me know if you need to chat.

  5. I was the same way when I was fighting the IF Demon... I just didn't talk about it, and when I did, it was basically online... and if people I knew IRL read it, so be it.... {{HUGS}}

  6. Ah yes, the little reminders - I hate them. We're so sensitive in the middle of this IF stuff, and the reminders come so much!!! Sorry...