Tonight was a rough one for me. The last few weeks I have been getting bills randomly in the mail pertaining to our IF testing. I guess that is the bad part about knocking some much out in a month.
I did a lot of research about the HSG before I went and did it and found out, even if my insurance didn't cover it it would cost $638. Not good, but something I decided I could handle. Well I guess I did not plan for all of the other insanity they tack on to the bills. The total came out to $1494!!!! Are you kidding me? I just starting crying immediately.
I am not a cry er, this is not my typical reaction to anything (except as I am learning, IF). I think part of it is because I can't control it or plan it, no matter how hard I try, but it is also because it seems so unfair.
There are so many people I know who have great insurance and can have a baby for less than this "surgery" is going to cost me.
Ray and I don't make a ton of money, and we work really hard to save it. We live below our means so that we can save and prepare for the future. However, we have spent just under $2400 since this began in late September.
I don't know if I can handle this. I try to stay positive and maintain a good outlook. I spend my time educating myself, rather than worrying or complaining (ok, so I do complain a little). But my biggest concern is that this will damage my marriage.
I can literally feel myself withdraw a little more every time we have a back-fire or get bad news or get a bill. I can't handle my marriage suffering over this. Ray is trying, but I think he struggles to understand this new version of me. We have been together for just under 9 years, so he knows the normal me, but not the IF affected version of me. I am going to have to make a point of not letting this impact us.
Has anyone else struggled with dealing with this, but not letting it affect your relationships?